


Karkat's Adventures in Ashen Romance for Fish and Pir8es.

by thegreatgayjatsby



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Auspistice Karkat, Awkward Boners, Boats and Ships, Brief mention of Kanaya, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Eri/Vris Blackrom, F/F, Fighting Kink, Grinding, Hatesnogs, They literally sail right onto the beach and it burns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 01:16:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1709672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatgayjatsby/pseuds/thegreatgayjatsby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kanaya gets sick of struggling through auspisticizing for Vriska and Eridan's constant vacillations and saddles Karkat with the job. They don't even notice him and instead sail onto the beach, burn things, shoot at each other, and hatesnog on the beach. (Then Karkat gets a bonebulge and absconds.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Karkat's Adventures in Ashen Romance for Fish and Pir8es.

**Author's Note:**

> SHIPSHIP SHIPi t i shi p i t

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you have been asked to be an auspistice. You’ve never been interested in such a position before, but Maryam tired so of the couple in questions constant vacillations, you were forced into the position. Somedays you regret being elected quadrant expert. 

Currently, you’re stomping down the beach, feet slipping in the sand as you work your way towards them. Kanaya had come to you only moments before, looking as if she was about to tear her perfectly coiffed hair from her skull. She appeared harried, and she demanded you to auspisticize for them. 

You can see a ship fast approaching land, clearly having no intention of stopping. White light blasts from the deck, tearing through sails, and you shake your head in disbelief. They’re fucking ridiculous. 

You squint, and you can see them standing off on deck. Ampora has his legendary fucking rifle pointed at Serket, the tip of the barrel touching her chest, and she’s got her sword dug up under his chin. They’re both smiling spitefully.

Your lip curls in disgust, but before you can comment to yourself, the hull of the ship scrapes across the bottom of the lagoon, an awful grinding of wood twisting and snapping filling your auditory canals. 

You slap your hands over your ears, and you watch as the ship rams its way practically up onto the beach. When you look up, Eridan’s tackled her off the ship and into the water. Frankly, you’re surprised the fall didn’t seriously injure at least one if not both of them due to rapidly encroaching low tide.

You watch as they thrash about for a minute, splashing and shouting, and Ahab’s Crosshair’s goes off again. It shoots into the ship, and after a moment and a creak, the hull and deck both bursts into flame.

You stare in shock, and Vriska cackles triumphantly. He hits her with the barrel of the gun and she lets out an ooph, then drives the hilt of her sword into his gut. The two of them stumble towards shore, working there slowly, and Vriska attempts to strangle him with his cape at least twice before they make it to the stand.

She throws her sword at him and he blocks it with the rifle, not able to level it again as she wrestles it from his grip. They land yards down the beach, and she falls atop him, gleefully grabbing him by the horns and holding him down as she bows over him.

They meet halfway, and they kiss, your eyes widening minutely as they roll around. For once, Eridan doesn’t appear to be concerned with the state of his clothes, and her fangs nick his lips. Blue and violet mix, and Eridan ends up on top, forcing her legs apart with his body.

They grab at each other, and before you can even react, she’s got a hand shoved down his stupid striped pants and he’s too busy sinking his teeth into her shoulder to notice you. Quickly you avert your gaze, turning all the way around but keeping an ear cocked in their direction. 

“Hate you.” Eridan hisses out, and you listen as Vriska giggles meanly.

“Hate you too, fishbitch.” She drawls, and a wet noise resounds before he groans low and deep.

She sniggers and he pants out, “shut it,” before gasping. 

There’s a good deal of rustling fabric, and a thud, so you look around at them to make sure no one’s killed anyone. Vriska’s back on top, pinning Eridan down, grinding into him, and his legs are wrapped tightly around her middle, face slack in pleasure glasses askew.

You decide you were never cut out to be an auspsitice, and you’ve never absconded faster from a situation as that, regretfully sporting a rather interested bone bulge.


End file.
